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Out of the Darkness
by G. Susan Rivers, LMFT
 Remember the dramatic rescue of little Jessica McClure who had fallen down an abandoned well pipe about 18 years ago? According to the trauma experts, the first priority was to send someone as far down the pipe as possible to provide her with constant verbal reassurances and comforting words. Trapped in that dark place, the experts feared she might panic, start hitting her head against the pipe or even worse, feel hopeless, abandoned and just give up. The immediate goal of the rescue was to keep her from slipping into emotional despair. In 2 Cor. 7, Paul describes "conflict from every direction, and inside there was fear." God provided comfort to ease Paul's discouragement and depression. It was Titus's arms (in the flesh) that let Paul feel God's touch.
Sadly, we don't always have an "in the flesh" comforter to reassure us and calm our fears. In that dark place our hurt, anger and isolation separates us from others and from experiencing God's love. It leaves us feeling disconnected, alone and discouraged.
Alone and detached from God and the world around us increases the potential for distorted beliefs and negative thoughts. Our "lonely self" can feel like a "bad self." A "bad self" stays away from others in order to avoid being shamed and hurt. Our "hurt self" feels unlovable. The "unlovable self" feels like the "lonely self," and on and on it goes. What a cycle! So what can we do if the continuous negative thoughts and misbeliefs engulf us in our own pit of darkness?
First, stay connected to God. Remember, God is in our dark place even if we don't feel Him. He grieves with us and waits for us to reach out. It is this holy connection that allows for change to take place. "Grieve, mourn and wail...humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." (James 4:9-10)
Second, we must rework the misbeliefs/lies which keep us isolated and in darkness. Some misbeliefs include: "things will never get better," "Nobody cares," or "I'll never be good enough." Psalm 139 says we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." It doesn't say we are perfect, but there is "wonder" in our own creation. To deceive ourselves with distortions and lies counters what God intends for us to experience. God does care. We don't have to be "good enough" to belong and be special in His eyes. Reworking misbeliefs requires modification not denial. When life is difficult an "everything is fine now" statement is pure denial and distortion. A realistic and believable modification is "This is a difficult time in my life. God still loves me." Some things cannot be changed--this is truth. But, we can
change our negative and distorted thoughts. We can embrace God as the One who loves us despite our handicaps and shortcomings.
Next, connect with others. Not only do we need to be bonded or attached to others, but accountable and responsible for our actions. In I Thess. 5:11, Paul says, "Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another..." Love is not some-thing we do alone--it is the result of an established relationship with God and others. If relating to someone else in an open and honest manner seems like an impossible task then seek out a counselor or pastor who can help. If the darkness includes suicidal thoughts ask your doctor about medication. In addition, there are many Christ-centered support groups such as Celebrate Recovery and Overcomers in many churches. Find a safe place to initiate change, gain confidence and reach out for connection.
In our own dark places, our Heavenly Father, the "Ultimate Expert," calms our fears and offers us constant comfort and reassurances. He knows we, His children, need to feel connection and encouragement as we make our way out of the darkness and into the light of His loving arms.
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