The Power of Truth

By G. Susan Rivers, LMFT

The first day home from Welding School, my son whined, "Mom, I can't do this--I don't know how to weld--I'll never learn--they can't teach me!"  Beneath the negative self-messages and whiny attitude I saw and heard both fear and anger--fear of failure and anger at himself for not already knowing the  skills needed.   Unrealistic expectations, shame and self-defeating behaviors prevented him from embracing a positive attitude of hope and an openess to new experiences that might include mistakes along the way.

The truth, however was simple: he did not know how to weld. Welding was completely outside of his experience, yet he believed he "should" already know and have the skill at hand. Like many of us, he made a hyper jump from not "knowing" how to weld to shame about himself:  "I am stupid", "I'll never learn,"  "I'm a failure."  These lies and distortions are great examples of "all or nothing thinking." The lies,  working at warp speed were, "I should be an expert and if not an expert I must be a failure;" "I should know...everyone else knows but me."  This fear of inadequacy, which simply may be the result of inexperience, creates an overwhelming paralysis preventing us from gaining the experience we do need to master the task at hand. The fear of failure reinforces our inability, prevents us from gaining experience and keeps us stuck in our distorted thinking.

As a parent, I can usually pride myself in providing positive and encouraging statements as well as a "can do" attitude for my kids.  "Oh honey, of course you don't know how to weld, that's why you are in the program.  The instructors will teach you.  They don't expect you to know how to do this."  Honestly, though, I am guilty of using the same distorted logic. 

Recognizing the negative, weak actions or beliefs in others stirs up the unwanted and hidden character defects within me.  Recently, my attempts to enter the world of internet competency created an enormous amount of anxiety and fear.  My need to learn at a pace faster than my comfort level and abilities created great fuel for negative and distorted thinking.  I don't know how many times I wanted to crawl under a rock rather than face my obvious lack of experience to my internet coach.  "Feeling stupid doesn't mean I am stupid"--was my repeated mantra during this time.  Focusing on the truth, in this case only a feeling, is not the same as "factual truth"--I can learn--it may take a while!

Our internal messages hold enormous weight over our actions and interactions in our relationships and the world around us.  Lies and misbeliefs erode our self-worth and can create depression, isolation, stagnation, and vast overwhelming feelings of unhappiness.  Telling ourselves untruths or misbeliefs actually perpetuates the boldness of the lies and we begin to ACT as though these are truth. 

This kind of deception toward ourselves is not what God wants for us.  Psalm 139:14 acknowledges that we "fearfully and wonderfully made."  It doesn't say we are perfect.  The truth here is about knowing and believing the "wonder" of our own creation.  To deceive ourselves with distortion counters what our Creator desires for us to experience.  God gifts us all with different talents and spiritual gifts.  If we belittle these gifts and talents by believing the lies about ourselves we are effectively challenging God's plan for our life.  Our boastful and inflated negative sense of self sets us in a category above all others, i.e., "the worst of the worst."  Without any interruption in the process we will steadfastly remain in a constant state of discounting God's truth about ourselves and His purpose for each of us.

So what to do?  Here are three simple steps to overcome the debilitating effects of misbeliefs and regain the power of truth that belongs to you.

     1) Admit the truth!  Don't stay blind to what is happening.  Identify your misbeliefs (listen to your internal language as well and what you say about yourself to others).  Examples are: "I'm dumb/stupid," "I'm not good enough," "There's no joy for me anymore," "I'm useless," "Nobody wants to be with me," "I'm all alone," and "Things will never get better."

     2) Accountability and honesty are essential.  Argue against the misbeliefs--set a specific goal to remove them.  When you recognize a lie--give it a name--"That's a lie."  Scripture states if "you give a demon a name; you take away its power."  Defending the truth requires action--it is not a passive process.

    3) Replace the lies with truth.  Examples:  "Everyone makes mistakes--it's not the end of the world," "I can find joy in the smallest of things (a smile, the sunset, and a kind word), "I know how to do many things," "I'm lonely, but not alone--God loves me and doesn't leave me," "There are many things in my life I can change."

One really nice thing about changing or modifying misbeliefs is that we can start right now!  We don't have to wait years and years for a breakthrough.  However, it does take awareness, action ("give it a name") and effort to initiate and follow through.  Don't give up if your negative thoughts creep in when you speak positively about yourself.  Change is a process, not a 180 degree turn-about.  Just like "The Little Engine That Could," you can begin by telling yourself, "I think I can, I think I can."

After his first few days at welding school, my son brought home a steel plate with a hole he cut with his welding torch.  It looked good to me--but more importantly, for him, he could see it, touch it and know the truth--he actually DID it!  It's been over 10 years since his first day of welding school.  Today he continues to weld professionally.  Does he still have misbeliefs and distortions?  Sometimes!  However, he knows the truth about welding and himself.  He can do it! That-in-and-of-itself is a powerful message of change.

Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Take a moment to think about your own heart and the truth about yourself.  Do you believe God?  His word says you are a "fearfully and wonderfully made" child of God.  What a powerful legacy from a Father to His child.  So, what's the truth?