Depression and Chronic Illness
   By G. Susan Rivers, LMFT

Even if we have avoided serious illness ourselves, we cannot escape its reach into our circle 
of family and friends.  Illness can bring us closer through caregiving and it can separate us 
through disability and death. 

Emotional and social support are vital with all chronic illnesses.  Along with a new diagnosis
or the burnout of a long ongoing illness, intense feelings such as anger, fear, loneliness and
depression can sneak their way into our daily living.  Feeling overwhemled, fighting to cope
with all the changes and the reality of the illness can bring on despair, rage, even fear of losing
control over our life.

Strong emotions may intensify stress and constant stress can create an emotional tornado
that feels like spinning out of control.  Our connections with others who know us and care about
us (family, friends, church and community) are key to helping us maintain a healthy emotional balance.

In fact, research validates that those who connect with others live longer, healthier and more fulfilling
lives than those who create an island of isolation. Two lengthy studies (San Francisco and Finland)
found that those who felt socially isolated were 200 to 300 percent more likely to die of various causes,
compared with those who defined themselves as belonging to a community.  Even with risky medical 
problems such as high blood pressure, those who were connected to a church, synagogue or community
were less likely to die from heart disease.  

Having emotional support and those "belonging" connections are great assets to emotional balance. 
However, such support and level of connection is not always available.  In fact, family members who
are emotionally upset and emotionally guarded themselves are often difficult to approach-and-their
responses may seem unpredictable.  Living with a loved one with a chronic illness can be very stressful. 
One of the greatest stressors is acknowledging our own worst fears about the one who is suffering. 
The fear is that of abandonment.  In fact, at times, family members can be angry with the patient as an
odd form of distancing in order to guard against the impending pain or loss. 

It takes courage for all involved to be able to discuss fears and upseting emotions.  At times, too,
good intentions can seem like criticism and unsolicited advice.  For the patient who is grieving the
loss of health and independence, facing mortality can feel like giving in to death--that all hope is lost. 
Others, with a spiritual faith to lean on may find truth about mortality less threatening.  There is no perfect
way to navigate through the all the grief and fear that all who are close feel.  Depression can be on both
sides of the illness. Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and just sheer burnout can signal the need for
outside help.

When we run out pretending room and move past denial, the situation can feel overwhelming, physically
as well as emotionally.  Don't be afraid to find help from a pastor, a chaplain or a trained therapist. 
There is help!